What are you?

You heard that right. What are you? Not who—but what are you?

We often define ourselves not by who we are, but by what we can or cannot do. This can be a dangerous thing.

5 years ago, I discovered hiking as a fun way to spend my Saturdays. Oh yeah! Being rained on, dodging wild animals, and getting muscle aches so severe that you wouldn’t dare go for a massage for two weeks—this became my idea of fun. I did it because I loved the peace of the outdoors. The absolute silence of a forest except for bird sounds is therapy to me.

But after each hike, my knees would ache terribly. I told myself it was because I was getting older—after all, old people’s knees hurt, don’t they? Naturally, I began wearing knee braces. I have a photo from my most challenging hike, to the peak of a range of mountains in Kenya called Elephant Hill. In the photo I am proudly leaning on the summit sign, and both knees strapped with braces.

Looking back, I realise I had unknowingly defined myself as an old man. In a way I had put my identity in “braces”.

Years before those hiking braces, when I was in high school, I had put myself in other “braces” – I defined myself as someone who was afraid of the stage.

Back then, I played the trumpet in the school marching band. At the end of each day, we had a parade, during which three of us played as the flag was lowered. My drive for mastery made me good at my instrument…. but only when playing in a group.

One day, however, I had to play alone. Fear took over. I was shaking so badly that my playing sounded like a chicken trying to lay an ostrich egg. It was so embarrassing to hear 1000 students laughing at my performance.

From that day on, I defined myself as shy—a person who, no matter how skilled he was, lacked the confidence to take any stage.

So, how do we break out of these braces we build for ourselves? We overcome our braces or our restrictive self-identities by challenging them daily. In time they loose their power.

About a year and a half ago, as my 40th birthday approached, I faced a midlife crisis. I looked myself in a mirror and asked, “Robert, is that you in that old man’s body?” I decided I wanted to feel younger, so I joined a gym.

The first trainer I met at the gym was your typical gym bro—brutal and ruthless. The workout felt like I was a rented ox being used to plow. A few days later, I met another trainer, a female who was gentle and attentive. She treated me like one of those oxes in Harar. The ones that are well taken care of. She would ask if I’d eaten, how the weights felt, and if I was in pain. Generally the kind of behaviour called nagging. I loved it and I hired her immediately to be my personal trainer. We created a plan. By taking baby steps where I challenged myself phsyical daily, I overcame that self imposed identity. After six months, I not only felt younger—I looked younger.

Since joining Toastmasters, I’ve had countless opportunities to challenge my self-imposed identity of being a shy person – of not being able to take a stage with confidence.

In the Innovative Planning Path, I removed the brace of not feeling comfortable in front of an audience.
In the Visionary Communication Path, I shed the brace of not being inspiring.
In the Engaging Humour Path, I took off the brace of not being funny.
In the Presentation Mastery Path, I let go of the brace of not being an engaging speaker.
In the Motivational Strategies Path, I removed the brace of not being an effective interpersonal communicator.

Now, on my current path, I aim from one project to another to remove the brace of believing I cannot change the hearts and minds of a large group of people.

Five years after my first attempt, I returned to Elephant Hill. This time, I reached the peak without knee braces. I didn’t climb it as a what—an old man—but as a who: someone who enjoys hiking. Someone who enjoys the absolute quiet of a forest except bird sounds.

Do you define yourself by what you can or cannot do—or by who you are? Are you a person limited by self-imposed braces, or someone who can achieve whatever they are passionate about?

Remove the braces on your identity by challenging them everyday. Embrace your full potential.